Dear Abby is offering counsel on two distinct reader dilemmas: one involving alleged blackmail over a video the writer believes does not exist, and another concerning a family disagreement about providing care for an elderly mother.
In the first case, a reader identified as "SCARED AND EMBARRASSED" described receiving persistent harassing phone calls from a man claiming to possess explicit videos of her. The harassment continued even after the reader changed her phone number. More recently, the reader received a message on Facebook from an unknown individual referencing a video, which led her to delete all her social media accounts. She expressed concern about the possibility of a video existing without her knowledge and how to handle its potential leak.
Dear Abby, whose real name is Jeanne Phillips, advised the reader that the described actions constitute harassment and blackmail. Phillips recommended reporting the incidents to the police. The columnist expressed doubt about the existence of such a video, suggesting it might be a scam. Phillips also advised that if a video were to be leaked, the reader should maintain her composure and state that, like most adults, she has a sex life, while sharing any information about who might have filmed it with authorities.
The second reader, "PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA," is seeking advice on how to arrange outside help for her 98-year-old mother, who lives independently but can no longer cook or manage housekeeping. The reader and her 68-year-old sister currently alternate providing meals and some light housekeeping, a task that takes one to two hours per visit. The sister also manages the mother's medical and financial powers of attorney and is the primary caregiver while her husband, who has kidney failure requiring 24/7 care, is at dialysis. The reader plans a three-week trip to Europe in the fall and wishes to hire in-home help for her mother three times a week during her absence.
However, the mother is resistant to receiving care from anyone other than her daughters. The reader does not want to burden her sister further, as her plate is already full. The reader asked if it is unreasonable to expect her mother to accept outside assistance.
Dear Abby responded by acknowledging that while the reader's plan is not unreasonable, it is common for elderly individuals to resist change. Phillips suggested reminding the mother about the limited opportunity for the reader's travel and emphasizing that the arrangement would be temporary. The advice columnist also recommended assuring the mother that she would call to check in while away and would resume their usual caregiving routine upon her return, promising to bring back souvenirs and stories.
Dear Abby was founded by Pauline Phillips and is now written by her daughter, Abigail Van Buren (Jeanne Phillips). Readers can contact Dear Abby through her website at www.DearAbby.com.