Dear Abby columnist Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, has provided guidance on navigating complex family dynamics and marital challenges in her latest column.
In one case, a grieving daughter expressed devastation after her mother secretly buried her father's ashes without notifying her. The daughter, who had moved out of state to be near her parents, was told by her mother not to return to help with arrangements after her father's death. Weeks later, she received a video of a private burial service attended by her mother, brother, and a priest. The daughter suspects her mother, whom she describes as mentally ill and narcissistic, was punishing her for moving away.
Dear Abby sympathized with the daughter's loss and suggested that her mother's behavior stems from her mental illness and narcissistic tendencies. The columnist advised the daughter to accept that an apology from her mother may never come and to focus on honoring her father's memory. She also encouraged building relationships with people who appreciate her.
In a separate query, a man expressed distress over his wife's refusal to discuss an argument that has led to her not wanting him to touch her. Married for nearly five years after a long on-again, off-again relationship, the husband is troubled by his wife's silence and her ambiguous response when he asked if she wanted a divorce. He suggested marriage counseling, but his wife's response was also noncommittal.
Dear Abby advised the husband to inform his wife that he is unwilling to continue the marriage under the current circumstances. The columnist then recommended revisiting the subject of marriage counseling. If the wife agrees to attend, Abby suggested seeking a list of qualified marriage and family therapists from a doctor or health insurance provider, noting that mediation is necessary to resolve their stalemate.