Dating coach Lily Womble has popularized a dating strategy she calls 'bless and release,' which encourages singles to compassionately end romantic connections when a spark is not present. Womble, who developed this approach during her own dating experiences in New York City, suggests it serves as a healthier alternative to ghosting or lingering in unfulfilling relationships.
The 'bless and release' method involves wishing someone well and letting them go, acknowledging that while they may be a perfectly nice person, they are not the right romantic match. Womble emphasizes that this strategy is a permission slip to identify and pursue what one truly desires in a partner and future relationship. She likens the 'bless' aspect to a compassionate acknowledgement rather than a condescending remark, allowing individuals to affirm their preferences without self-recrimination.
This approach aims to counteract common dating frustrations such as ghosting, situationships, and the fear of scarcity in the dating pool. Womble notes that many singles hold onto unsuitable partners due to concerns about limited options, a mindset she identifies as a 'sunk cost fallacy.' The 'bless and release' strategy can be applied at any stage of a romantic involvement, from early dating app conversations to long-term relationships, recognizing that individuals may not have had all the necessary information when they began.
Marriage therapist Liz Higgins supports Womble's method, viewing it as a more mature and healthier alternative to ghosting. Higgins highlights that while a date's reaction cannot always be controlled, individuals are accountable for maintaining their own boundaries and operating authentically according to their values.
Psychologist Han Ren echoes this sentiment, particularly for women, stating that the 'bless and release' approach is empowering. It allows individuals to express their needs clearly, freeing them from the pressure of people-pleasing and the fear of disappointing others. Ren explains that a lack of conviction in stating needs can lead to a lack of trust, both from others and oneself. By clearly communicating boundaries, even through a 'bless and release' message, individuals can protect their emotional well-being while still respecting the other person's feelings. This method, Ren suggests, offers a 'gift to both parties' by preserving emotional energy and providing a clear, albeit gentle, conclusion.