Dating application profiles have become a space for users to declare political affiliations, a trend that a New York City and Washington D.C. psychotherapist describes as performative and detrimental to genuine connection. In major urban centers, profiles on platforms like Hinge and Bumble often prominently feature political statements, such as pronoun declarations, stances on foreign policy, or explicit rejections of individuals who voted for specific political figures.
The psychotherapist, Jonathan Alpert, noted in an opinion piece for Fox News that while this behavior is observed across the political spectrum, a recent survey indicates that over half of Democrats who use dating apps consider political beliefs very important when selecting a match, compared to about a quarter of Republicans and independents. Alpert suggests this has transformed dating into a "loyalty oath" for some, while others are simply trying to find a responsive match.
Alpert argues that these political declarations on profiles are not indicators of character or values, but rather a method of "screening for an audience." He shared an anecdote about a client who ended a potential connection with someone simply because he did not include his pronouns in his bio and expressed a slight leaning towards conservative tax policies. Conversely, he has observed male clients dismiss women for attending church or not being "political enough."
He posits that shared political agreement, such as on issues like student loan forgiveness or international conflicts, does not guarantee a successful relationship. According to Alpert, many couples who agree on political matters experience misery due to underlying issues in their interpersonal dynamics, like neglecting anniversaries or failing to handle household chores. The therapist contends that the true foundations of relationships – honesty, kindness, and the ability to apologize – are often overlooked when political alignment becomes the primary screening criterion.
Alpert suggests that political statements on dating profiles have evolved from mere political commentary to "social passwords" that signal group affiliation. He believes this shift prioritizes being seen as holding certain beliefs over the genuine practice of those beliefs, turning dating into an "audition for the right kind of politics."
He advises singles to consider removing political slogans from their profiles to potentially connect with individuals who are genuinely compatible, rather than those performing for a specific audience. Alpert concludes that by removing these political filters, individuals might find more authentic connections with people who are not just aligned politically but also possess qualities that foster lasting relationships.