Charlene White Marks One Year Since Father's Death by Suicide

Loose Women star Charlene White has marked the one-year anniversary of her father's death by suicide, sharing an emotional and candid reflection on her grief journey. In an Instagram post on Monday, White, 46, described the past twelve months as "quite frankly the worst of my life," while also acknowledging the "power of love in darkness."

White revealed that her father died by suicide after "living with a dark cloud he couldn't lift." She expressed feelings of failure, stating, "In many ways I feel like I failed him, by not knowing what he was going through." She recounted the moment she received the devastating news, which came just hours after she had been celebrating a friend's birthday. "Oh my way home, tipsy and laughing with the girls, I voice-noted a friend happy birthday, right before midnight," she wrote. "The phone was still in my hand when the call came. Char, dad's gone."

The ITV News presenter described the profound sadness that now permeates her life, particularly when she considers her father missing out on milestones in his grandchildren's lives. "Moments he's missing in his grandkids lives can break me in a second, unexpectedly," she shared. "I can't tell you the assemblies, plays and sports matches I've sat in and shed a tear. He should be here. Why would you leave this... us... them?"

White detailed the swirling emotions of "anger, grief, confusion and sadness" and the struggle to maintain composure. She admitted to experiencing a panic attack outside work, where a colleague and her boss assisted her. "For a woman who likes to be in control, having no control over my body's reaction to grief in unexpected moments has been hard to accept," she said.

She credited her counselling team at the Suicide and Co charity for their support. White chose to speak openly about her experience hoping to encourage others in similar situations to seek help. "Today I choose to speak openly and honestly, because I'm good at planting a smile on my face which can hide 365 days of feeling like your heart is so heavy you can't get out of bed," she explained. "Like so many of us living with this grief. And I hope that if someone reading needs help, they talk rather than act. I hope they reach out for help, and don't make a decision which can't be reversed."

White concluded by urging those in distress to contact resources like Suicide and Co and The Samaritans, emphasizing, "The darkness will make you believe you're not alone, please don't listen to it."

White has two children, Alfie, 10, and Florence, eight, with her TV executive partner Andy. Help is available from the Samaritans on 116 123 or by emailing [email protected].