While sending back a plate of food at a restaurant is a common occurrence, the etiquette surrounding returning an unfinished cocktail is less clear. Bartenders and etiquette experts suggest that sending back a drink is permissible, but it depends on the circumstances and how the request is made.

Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and author, advises using good judgment. "If you get a drink that is clearly not what you ordered, let the bartender know immediately," she said. This includes instances where the wrong liquor is used, a key ingredient is missing, or the drink is excessively strong. Similarly, if the glass is dirty or contains a foreign object, a request for a replacement is warranted.

Saeed “Hawk” House, a Los Angeles bartender, acknowledged that mistakes can happen, even with busy staff. "It's happened to me," House said. "Maybe I forgot the agave or simple syrup, and it was too tart. When the drink was sent back, I gladly remade something."

If the cocktail is made correctly but simply does not appeal to your taste, experts suggest it is acceptable to request something else, provided you are polite. Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert, emphasizes framing the situation as a personal preference rather than a fault of the drink. "The key is to be polite and make it clear that ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ and that you sincerely appreciate the care and effort that went into making the drink and there’s nothing objectively wrong with it ― it just turned out to not be your thing," he said.

Bartenders generally are not offended by such requests. Alex Barbatsis, head bartender at The Whistler in Chicago, stated, "A huge aspect of bartending is making sure people are enjoying themselves, and it’s hard to have a good time when you don’t like your drink. I would much prefer to make a replacement cocktail that they enjoy rather than have them sit there and be grumpy."

However, there are caveats. Ivy Mix, co-owner and head bartender of Leyenda in Brooklyn, cautioned against waiting too long to send a drink back. "If you don’t like it, then don’t drink it! But if you don’t like it, don’t drink half of it and change your mind. That’s the annoying thing, and arguably you’re just trying to get a free drink out of the matter." She also advises against making the same request multiple times.

Timeliness and Clarity

When deciding to send a drink back, acting quickly is crucial. "If you’re going to send a drink back, do it quickly. Don’t wait until you’re halfway through the glass," Leighton advised.

Meaghan Dorman, bar director at Raines Law Room and Dear Irving in New York City, echoed this sentiment, stating, "It does need to happen within the first couple sips." Her establishment trains staff to check in with guests early to address any potential issues. Dorman noted that sometimes a drink can be salvaged if the issue is minor, such as being too sweet, too sour, or too bitter. "Let the bartender know, and there’s a good chance they can tweak it for you," said Cole Newton, a New Orleans bartender and board member of the United States Bartenders’ Guild.

Asking for Guidance

To minimize the chances of ordering a drink you won't enjoy, experts recommend seeking guidance from the bartender. "Ask for guidance before you order, especially if there are any ingredients you’re unfamiliar with," Leighton suggested. Dorman encourages collaboration between customers and bartenders to discover new preferences.

"If you are unsure about a wine or spirit, you can always ask for a sip to taste to ensure you will be happy with your choice before a full pour," she said. "With mixed drinks, remember the staff is there to guide your experience, so always ask for their advice if you are unsure of what cocktail best matches your taste."

Venue and Payment

Consider the type of establishment when ordering and deciding whether to send a drink back. Josh Lindley, lead bartender at Eataly Toronto, suggests aligning expectations with the venue. "It’s important for guests to realize what sort of venue they’re in," he said. A dive bar might not be the place for an elaborate, multi-step cocktail, and a complex drink ordered in such a setting might be better left unreturned if it doesn't meet expectations.

Regarding payment, Gottsman stated that if there is a genuine problem with the drink, you should not be expected to pay. However, if it is a matter of personal taste preference, you should be prepared to cover the cost. "It’s always a risk when you order something that you are not familiar with," she noted. While many establishments may waive the charge for a disliked drink, it is wise to be prepared to pay. When it comes to tipping, Gottsman advises tipping the bartender for their service in resolving the situation, even if the drink was replaced.