Britney Spears has spoken out about the emotional toll of her 13-year conservatorship, describing how she felt forced to perform and interact with large groups of people against her will. In a recent Instagram post, Spears, 44, shared that she experienced anxiety and felt like a "robot" due to these demands.
Spears detailed that early in her career, she would experience asthma and shaking if she had to meet more than 10 people. She contrasted this with her father, Jamie Spears, who she stated would have her meet "70 people," which she described as painful and dehumanizing. "I lost the sensitivity of my soul," she wrote, adding that she felt her genuine connection with people was lost and that the experiences were "forced."
She reflected on how the conservatorship, which ended in 2021, had caused significant "damage to my heart and soul." Spears, who was placed under the conservatorship in February 2008 after a series of public struggles, stated that her father's insistence that his control was for her well-being was contrary to her experience of it being "abusive."
The singer also touched on her transformation from being "painfully shy" to a performer, noting that she can no longer comprehend performing in front of large audiences. She expressed pride in "shutting all that down" after years of feeling compelled to do so. Spears also mentioned feeling a loss of "sacredness" and a "genuine mystery of acute oneness" that she used to share with people.
Spears contrasted her experiences with meeting fellow artist Shakira, during which she felt "normal" and like an "exact" match in size, recalling a moment where both artists had just woken up from naps before meeting for a video shoot. She also briefly discussed her physical appearance and perceptions of her leg length in photos versus reality.
Her conservatorship, which spanned nearly 14 years, saw her father, Jamie Spears, acting as the primary conservator, managing her finances, career, and personal liberties. The #FreeBritney movement gained significant traction among fans who advocated for the termination of the conservatorship. Before the conservatorship, Spears experienced highly publicized personal struggles, including a breakdown in 2007 that led to a psychiatric hold, shaving her head, and an incident involving an umbrella attack on a paparazzi's car. In January 2008, she was placed under lockdown after refusing to hand over her sons to her ex-husband Kevin Federline.