As women navigate their 40s and beyond, changes in their bodies can impact sexual experiences, leading many to seek ways to enhance intimacy. While often suggested, lubricant is not the sole solution. Experts emphasize self-exploration, patience, and adapting to evolving physiological needs.
Shifting Perspectives on Pleasure
Licensed marriage and family therapist Ilana Grines advises women to dedicate time to self-exploration without the pressure of orgasm or a partner's presence. "Give yourself permission to learn your body again," Grines stated. "The things that worked when you were 25 may not work at 45. Staying curious and open to new ways of experiencing pleasure allows your sexual experience to evolve."
This exploration includes slowing down the initial stages of intimacy. Grines explains that hormonal and physiological shifts can affect arousal, making it take longer to build. Rushing past this extended buildup can lead to discomfort or pain. Focusing on extended foreplay, touch, and outercourse can set the stage for greater enjoyment.
Adapting to Physical Changes
Marcela Alonso, host of the “Get Schooled” podcast, shared her experience with vaginal dryness and discomfort due to perimenopause, recommending daily use of vaginal moisturizers and mood capsules. "If you’re going through perimenopause and things feel different down there, this is the thing I tell every woman about," she said, while also advising consultation with a doctor before starting new regimens.
Sex educator Courtney Boyer suggests experimenting with different sexual positions to find what is now comfortable and pleasurable. Recommended positions include being on top for increased control, the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT) for enhanced stimulation, spooning or side-by-side for gentler intimacy, and supported missionary with a pillow for better positioning.
Annette Benedetti, a sex coach, encourages integrating sex toys into intimacy, emphasizing that they can complement positions rather than replace them. She recommends pleasure air technology, such as the Womanizer Next Liberty, which uses air pulses around the clitoris for a different sensation than traditional vibration. This can help keep the body engaged and responsive.
Pelvic Floor Health and Non-Penetrative Focus
Sexologist Trina Read advocates for the use of a "Cooch Ball" to address pelvic floor atrophy, which can cause issues like urinary incontinence and discomfort during intercourse. "My vaginal walls had thinned and gone slack," Read described, noting significant improvement in sensation and function after consistent use.
Benedetti also highlights the importance of de-emphasizing penetration as the sole focus of sex. As partners age, issues like erectile dysfunction and tissue changes can occur. By shifting the focus to other forms of intimacy, such as using fingers, mouths, toys, and extended teasing, sexual experiences can become more varied and less prone to disappointment.
Medical Consultation for Persistent Issues
For persistent issues like significant vaginal dryness and irritation, consulting an OB-GYN is crucial. Emily Mendez, a former therapist, found a prescription estrogen cream to be highly effective in alleviating dryness and discomfort, thereby improving intimacy. She encourages open conversations with healthcare providers about these concerns, emphasizing that solutions are available for issues that arise during perimenopause.