In a recent advice column, Bel Mooney addressed a reader, identified as Luke, who is struggling to move past a persistent fantasy crush on a former colleague. Luke described the colleague as initially distant and cold, an attitude he found intriguing. Despite leaving his contact information on his last day of employment, Luke received no response, which he initially perceived as a rejection.
Luke's fixation resurfaced when he encountered the colleague's profile on a dating app. He noted a perceived decline in the colleague's appearance and described feeling a sense of satisfaction at this observation, while also admitting to feeling a degree of sadness.
Mooney, in her response, questioned Luke's framing of the situation, particularly his description of the colleague's indifference as "mistreatment" or "hostility." She suggested that the colleague likely had no interest in pursuing a relationship, either friendly or romantic, and that Luke's need for "closure" was misplaced, as no relationship had ever existed.
Mooney also pointed to Luke's language, highlighting phrases like "worse for wear" and comments about their physical appearances, as indicative of underlying resentment and "malice" rather than genuine affection or sympathy. She speculated that Luke might have misinterpreted the colleague's professional distance or that there might be elements of Luke's own behavior that contributed to the situation.
Citing W.B. Yeats, Mooney advised Luke to recognize the "fantasy" aspect of his feelings, suggesting that his "heart's grown brutal from the fare." She concluded by urging Luke to "forget this man," emphasizing that the colleague has shown no interest and likely never will, and that Luke should focus on his own life and well-being, drawing a parallel to the mutual "swipe left" action on the dating app as a sign of dismissal.