In her latest advice column, Bel Mooney addresses a range of personal issues, from confronting past abuse to navigating online scams and the benefits of changing daily routines.
A reader, identified as Deirdre, recounts a childhood marked by emotional neglect and physical abuse, including sexual assault by her stepfather while her mother was aware. Deirdre expresses a desire to confront her elderly mother and stepfather one last time, seeking an admission of guilt. She describes a complex relationship with her mother, characterized by a lack of maternal affection, periods of normalcy, and later, accusations of being a liar and troublemaker.
Despite the hardships, Deirdre highlights positive aspects of her life, including a happy second marriage and a close relationship with her children and grandchildren. She notes that she has not undergone formal counseling due to financial constraints but finds solace in talking to friends and has a psychiatrist friend. Mooney commends Deirdre's resilience and ability to find meaning in her experiences, acknowledging the deep-seated damage but also recognizing her survivor's spirit. Mooney advises against confronting the mother and stepfather again, suggesting it could lead to further pain, and encourages Deirdre to continue focusing on the positive aspects of her life and lean on her support network.
Another reader, Helen, seeks advice regarding a friend who has fallen victim to an online scam. The friend, in her early 70s, has developed an "emotional bond" with a purported Kevin Costner fan site administrator on Facebook, who has since moved communication to WhatsApp. The scammer claims to be struggling financially and unable to complete a film. Helen's attempts to warn her friend have been met with anger and accusations of cynicism. Mooney describes the internet as a double-edged sword, useful but also a breeding ground for deception. She suggests Helen continue to try to reason with her friend, and if necessary, consider alerting the friend's family to the situation, emphasizing the potential dire consequences for her friend's well-being.
In a reflective segment, Mooney shares her own experience of taking a break from her usual holiday habits. Instead of her typical culturally focused trips, she opted for a relaxing week of downtime with her daughter, reading novels and enjoying cocktails. This experience prompted her to reflect on the rejuvenating power of breaking established routines. She draws a parallel to nutritional advice, suggesting that even small changes, like altering breakfast choices or taking a walk without a phone, can lead to increased energy and a feeling of renewal. Mooney encourages readers to try making one small change in their routine this week to avoid monotony and foster a sense of revitalization.