Mallary Tenore Tarpley, an author and journalism professor, has reached an age her mother never saw, prompting reflection on the pervasive anti-aging culture and its origins. Tarpley’s mother died of breast cancer at age 40, leaving Tarpley an orphan at 11. A childhood gift of Oil of Olay lotion from her mother, intended to promote a younger appearance, became a symbol of both lost youth and the emerging anxieties surrounding aging.
Initially, Tarpley associated youth with the desire to stay connected to her mother. Following her mother’s death, she began to restrict her food intake, developing anorexia nervosa by age 12. She views this disorder as an early entanglement with diet culture, which she now sees as intertwined with anti-aging culture. The messaging from these industries, she argues, fuels insecurity and promotes the idea that women must modify their appearance to meet unrealistic beauty standards.
Tarpley observes the constant barrage of advertisements for cosmetic interventions such as Botox, fillers, and various skincare devices, often marketed with promises of erasing signs of aging. She cites scholar Laura Hurd Clarke, who describes this as a "moral imperative to modify the aging face," conditioning women to view wrinkles as flaws and to actively "fight" against the natural process of aging.
The pressure to conform to these norms is significant, according to Tarpley. She notes that sociologist Ruth Striegel Weissman coined the term "normative discontent" in 1984 to describe the widespread dissatisfaction with one's body, a phenomenon that has also become prevalent among men. Striegel Weissman suggests that industries profit from this discontent, shifting blame to the individual when products or interventions fail to deliver the promised results.
Tarpley acknowledges that cosmetic procedures are increasingly normalized, with millions of Americans opting for injectables annually. She also points to research indicating that women who choose not to pursue age-avoidance strategies may face penalties for appearing "old." Despite her critique of anti-aging culture, Tarpley admits to using some beauty products, such as moisturizers with hyaluronic acid and retinol, highlighting the difficulty of completely disengaging from these societal pressures. For her, these limited choices are a way to maintain her body-acceptance work in recovery from her eating disorder, emphasizing that her worth is not tied to her appearance.
As she navigates early midlife, Tarpley finds herself contemplating her mother's decision to give away the Oil of Olay lotion. She speculates that her mother may have instinctively understood that aging is a privilege. Tarpley concludes that if one is fortunate enough to age, the focus should shift from preventing it to embracing it, honoring the life her mother did not get to live.