Catherine Simpson found herself in a precarious position, caught between the escalating needs of her 95-year-old father in Lancashire and her adult daughter's severe mental health crisis in Edinburgh, all amidst the backdrop of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Simpson's father, Stuart, who had continued to manage his dairy farm and stables into his nineties after being widowed in his eighties, suffered a serious fall in January 2020. The incident, which left him with a fractured eye socket and other injuries, signaled the end of his independence. His driving license, a symbol of freedom and autonomy in the countryside, was surrendered to the DVLA, and it became clear he could no longer live alone. Simpson and her sister, Elizabeth, initially shared caregiving duties, alternating every two weeks.
Simpson described the immense logistical and emotional strain of this arrangement, which involved traveling over three hours and 170 miles between her father's home and her own in Edinburgh. This period coincided with the onset of the first COVID-19 lockdown, adding further complexity and isolation to the situation.
Amidst her father's deteriorating health, which included diagnoses of diabetes, metastatic prostate cancer, Alzheimer's, and vascular dementia, Simpson's daughter, Nina, began to experience significant distress. While working from home, Nina found the lack of separation between personal and professional life torturous, a challenge she had previously faced with homeworking during her school years.
Simpson recounted how her father's condition presented a slow, often imperceptible decline, punctuated by good and bad days. He accumulated numerous medical appointments with various specialists, including those for his eyesight, diabetes, and falls. Simpson recalled having to reintroduce herself to her father on each visit due to his memory loss, a poignant illustration of the impact of dementia.
The situation escalated dramatically when, a year into the caregiving routine, Simpson and her husband received an urgent call to return to Edinburgh. Nina was suffering from mania and psychosis, conditions that were entirely new to her. The family admitted Nina to Edinburgh Royal psychiatric hospital, where she was offered 'Hospital at Home' treatment.
Simpson described the subsequent weeks as shocking, bizarre, and indescribable, leaving the family feeling numb and shattered. The focus of their attention shifted entirely to Nina's acute mental health episode, with the outside world, including her father's ongoing health issues, fading into the background. Nina's behavior during this period was characterized by erratic actions and a racing, often incomprehensible, stream of consciousness.
Seven weeks after the onset of her mania, Nina experienced a severe depressive crash, leading to suicidal ideation. Simpson and her family became Nina's lifeline, striving to provide the constant energy and support needed to prevent her from further decline.
Two months after Nina's breakdown, Simpson resumed caring for her father, though she could no longer commit to two-week stretches away. Even a week felt too long, yet she felt a duty to continue her role. The anxiety of being separated from her daughter, coupled with constant worry about Nina's well-being, often led Simpson to check her phone multiple times during the night.
Simpson described her brief breaks at service areas like Todhills as moments of feeling detached and disoriented, trying to recalibrate between the demands of her father's care and her daughter's critical condition. She characterized these stops as an "oasis somewhere between 'here' and 'there,' somewhere between England and Scotland, somewhere between this life and the next, somewhere between being a mother and a daughter."
As her father's condition continued to worsen, it became apparent that he could no longer be safely cared for at home. Two years after the shared care arrangement began, he moved into a nursing home. Simpson recounted the poignant moment when her father asked if he knew where he was going, just before the move.
Her father passed away two months later at the age of 95. Nina, having worked hard on her recovery, attending therapies and trying various treatments, was well enough to be one of the pallbearers at his funeral. Miraculously, two years after her breakdown, Nina was discharged by her psychiatrist.
Nina found a supportive community in blues dancing, and eventually invited her mother to join a class. Simpson described the experience of dancing with her daughter, where Nina led and she followed, as a moment of profound connection and healing. She found that stepping outside her comfort zone led her to a "beautiful place to be," marking a season of dancing after times of weeping and mourning.