Betsy Cornwell, an author who had trained as a rape crisis counselor, found herself a victim of coercive control despite her professional understanding of its patterns. She shared her experience of leaving an abusive marriage and subsequently establishing a refuge on the Connemara coast in Ireland.
Cornwell moved to Ireland at 24, drawn by the myth of the selkie, a seal-woman trapped by a man until she reclaims her skin. This theme of women regaining control of their lives became central to her writing. She met and married a horse trainer on the Aran Islands a year after arriving. At the time, she viewed the decisions to leave her family in America and move to a new country as empowering, but now recognizes her naivete.
The Slow Erosion of Control
The onset of coercive control was not marked by a single event but a gradual accumulation of behaviors that were initially perceived as care. The situation intensified after the birth of their son, a period Cornwell knew professionally as a common trigger for escalating abuse. By the time she left, she described living in a state of terror.
Ireland criminalized coercive control in 2019, acknowledging the psychological and financial abuse that can trap individuals without physical violence. Cornwell's decision to leave was motivated by her son's well-being, believing he deserved better than to grow up with an abusive father. She admits she might not have left solely for her own sake.
She and her son sought refuge at COPE Galway, a domestic violence service. Cornwell emphasizes that naming the harm does not equate to seeking revenge or demanding universal condemnation of her ex-husband. She maintains compassion for his actions while asserting that they caused harm and that she and her son deserved safety.
Rebuilding and Finding a New Home
Cornwell found the family court process challenging, an experience echoed by other women she has encountered. She sees hope in growing calls for transparency in family courts and initiatives like Safe And Together, which aims to remove abusers from the home rather than displacing survivors.
What ultimately helped her was the shared experience of other women in a COPE survivors' group. Hearing their stories made it harder to dismiss the patterns of coercive control within her own relationship. Writing her memoir, "Ring Of Salt," was an effort to offer similar support to others. The book, which won the Arts Council’s Markievicz Award in 2024, has been a source of comfort for readers experiencing similar difficulties.
Following her escape, Cornwell faced a new confinement: Ireland's housing market. As a self-employed artist, immigrant, and single mother, homeownership seemed unattainable. An idea from friends—to rent and restore a building with the eventual goal of ownership—spurred her to action.
She found a derelict 1906 knitting factory in Carraroe, Connemara. After securing a year-long rental agreement, she began the process of writing and renovation. The building, originally part of a state welfare scheme, had served various purposes, including Ireland's first Irish-language cinema and a jewelry workshop, before falling into disuse.
Creating a Space for Healing
Now, the former knitting factory has been transformed. The playroom is filled with donated toys and children's drawings, replacing the old looms. The space is sustained by paying guests and a Patreon community, and it offers fully-funded stays for single mothers.
Cornwell is also editing "The First Time I Felt Free," an anthology for COPE Galway featuring creative writing from survivors, available online for free. The project focuses on the moments of freedom that follow trauma.
She considers being a single mother the accomplishment she is most proud of, describing it as incredibly hard yet liberating, and a status still subject to stigma.
Cornwell's memoir, "Ring of Salt: A Memoir Of Finding Home And Hope On The Wild Coast Of Ireland," is currently available. Her work with COPE Galway on "The First Time I Felt Free" continues her commitment to supporting survivors.