A Gold Coast mother, identifying as a 'modern trad wife,' has asserted that many Australian families could maintain a single-income household if they were willing to reduce spending and prioritize raising children over material desires. Aimie Stoevelaar, 29, left her career in real estate after becoming a mother to two young children and now manages the household while her husband works as a fire safety estimator.
Stoevelaar acknowledges the financial pressures facing Australian families but believes the argument that both parents must work is an "excuse." "If you really cared about raising the child and making sacrifices, you'd go with less," she told the Daily Mail. "Buy a home within your means. You can do the groceries within your means. You don't need a new pair of shoes every single season. It's a luxury for women and mums to be able to get their hair and nails done."
Her perspective contrasts with the current economic climate in Australia, where high housing costs, grocery bills, and childcare fees often necessitate dual incomes for many families.
Stoevelaar's lifestyle is supported by her husband's salary covering essential expenses. "I just dabble with finances. I definitely don't keep the roof over our head or pay for our groceries or anything like that. My husband does it all," she stated. The couple has made significant sacrifices to live on a single income, prioritizing their children's upbringing. "We have the rest of our lives to make all this money back, but we don't have the rest of our lives to raise our children again. We don't get a second do-over at that."
The term 'trad wife,' short for traditional wife, generally refers to women who embrace domestic and gender roles, with the husband working outside the home while the wife manages the household and children. Stoevelaar distinguishes herself as a 'modern trad wife,' noting she can still earn money online through user-generated content and other jobs when time permits.
Parental Accountability and Childcare
Stoevelaar expressed concern over the increasing reliance on childcare and extended family, suggesting parents are taking less accountability for raising their children. "The modern world - nannies, daycares and grandparents actually raising our children - the birth parents are taking less and less accountability for their children and the role that needs to happen in raising a child," she said. She believes the rise of social media and technology makes parental involvement even more crucial.
She is troubled by families who have children without wanting their lives to change significantly. "There are a lot of families that are having children because it's the thing to do, and yes, they want children, but they want to be less involved," she observed. Stoevelaar is particularly concerned about children spending long days in childcare, leading to overstimulation and limited time with parents. "A lot of families only see their kids for two hours a day post-daycare, and that's hell on earth because their little systems are so overstimulated."
Personal Background and Financial Security
Stoevelaar's embrace of traditional family roles is influenced by her upbringing. Her own mother was a stay-at-home parent, but the subsequent end of her parents' relationship led Aimie to fear financial dependence. "The idea of being stuck in four walls without my own source of income was a really, really hard thing because I saw my mother do that," she explained. Before motherhood, she was ambitious and worked in real estate but found her priorities shifted. She now earns income through online endeavors like UGC creation when her children's needs allow.
Addressing concerns about financial vulnerability in traditional marriages, Stoevelaar stated she does not feel vulnerable. She and her husband have been together for a decade, married for four years, and combined their finances long before having children. "Our bank accounts have been joint since well before children, and our home, our family, our finances are one," she said. While her husband manages most financial responsibilities, major decisions are made collaboratively. She expressed confidence that her husband would continue to support her and their children in the event of a separation.
The Reality of the 'Trad Wife' Lifestyle
Stoevelaar cautioned against the glamorous online portrayal of the trad wife lifestyle. She described her daily reality as consumed by her children's needs from morning to night, with personal needs often coming last. "Whatever the kids need from the minute they wake up to the minute they go to bed. I tend to come last, but that's okay," she said.
She experienced significant isolation as a new mother before connecting with other parents through her children's social circles. "You need to find your own feet in this new world. It is incredibly difficult, especially with the way it is portrayed on social media and glamorised as a stay-at-home mum." Stoevelaar does not view her choice as a rejection of women's independence and does not engage with debates about feminism, stating that women have different strengths and make different choices.
Stoevelaar believes that women who choose to stay home with their children are now a minority in Australia, a contrast to previous generations. She noted that a past attempt to find other trad wives on the Gold Coast yielded no responses. Despite the challenges, including financial sacrifices and isolation, she maintains that the trade-off is worthwhile.