Danish Queen Mary's composed public image has been described as a potential "weak point" by a Spanish protocol expert, but an Australian commentator strongly disagrees, asserting that her self-control has been instrumental throughout her royal career.
María José Gómez Verdú, a Spanish protocol and etiquette expert, suggested that Mary's extraordinary self-control, which has defined her public persona for over two decades, could hinder her connection with the public. Gómez Verdú posited that such composure might be interpreted as emotional distance, and that revealing more of her personal side could become necessary.
However, Australian etiquette expert Jo Hayes firmly rejected this assessment. "It is this 'self-control' that is the very thing that has stood Mary in good stead for the entirety of her royal career, and will continue to do so for the rest of her life," Hayes told the Daily Mail. Hayes, founder of EtiquetteExpert.Org and a royal commentator with postgraduate research in modern etiquette, maintained that emotional discipline is central to royal life.
Scrutiny Amidst Media Storm
Royal observers often point to a period of intense scrutiny in late 2023 concerning Queen Mary's marriage as evidence of her poise. Photographs emerged showing then-Crown Prince Frederik in Madrid with socialite Genoveva Casanova, sparking widespread speculation. Casanova denied any romantic involvement, and Mary continued her public engagements without directly addressing the rumours.
Gómez Verdú viewed this restraint as both a strength and a potential issue, suggesting that an impeccably controlled royal risks appearing inaccessible in an era where authenticity and relatability are highly valued on social media.
Hayes argued that expecting a queen to abandon restraint fundamentally misunderstands the role. "'Restraint' is a key word in the official 'training' of any royal. Restraint of speech, restraint of emotions - specifically in the public eye," she stated. She added that public displays of emotion could invite scandal, citing the British royal family's maxim: "Never complain, never explain." Hayes proposed an extension for royals: "Don't complain, don't explain, don't exclaim."
The Modern Royal Balancing Act
This disagreement highlights a broader challenge for contemporary royal families, where qualities like discretion and emotional restraint can clash with a culture that prizes vulnerability and openness. Hayes emphasized a crucial distinction between influencers cultivating relatability and monarchs representing a nation.
"Nations want and need their regents to be calm and 'in control'. Especially in times of war, global uncertainty and social unrest. It gives citizens a sense of order and assurance," Hayes said. She cited Queen Elizabeth II as an exemplar of composure through adversity, a tradition followed by King Charles III. According to Hayes, "Mary's self-control has helped keep the Danish monarchy - and, no doubt, her family - on a steady even keel in the midst of what is, undoubtedly, a life with considerable pressure."
Hayes also dismissed the notion that Mary's composure makes her appear emotionally distant. "She doesn't come across as emotionally distant - but rather as someone in control of her emotions. That's a trait that ought to be applauded," she asserted. Mary's journey from a Tasmanian marketing executive to Queen of Denmark required adapting to a new institution, language, and country, necessitating careful control over public expression.
The contrasting viewpoints underscore the difficult balance modern royal women must strike: appearing too controlled risks being perceived as cold, while revealing too much can lead to accusations of lacking dignity. Hayes concluded that Mary's calm and composed demeanor is befitting of a royal, particularly a queen, and is well-regarded by her people and other European royals.