Alexandra Shulman Recounts Battles with Panic Attacks and Embrace of Solitude

Former Vogue editor Alexandra Shulman has revealed the profound impact that panic attacks had on her life, particularly during her younger years, and her subsequent journey to embrace solitude.

Shulman described experiencing terrifying panic attacks whenever she was alone, which led her to believe she was going to die. This intense fear necessitated constant companionship, even leading her to return to her parents' home during her second year of university. "If left alone I was utterly convinced that I would die. I had to have someone with me," she wrote.

Her first experience living alone was in a flat she purchased in London at the age of 27, a time when securing a mortgage was more accessible for young individuals. However, the underlying anxiety persisted. She recalled that as a young woman, the prospect of being left alone would trigger these overwhelming panic attacks.

Shulman noted that by one's mid-60s, the reality of mortality and the potential loss of loved ones becomes more apparent. "By the time you are in your mid-60s, writes Alexandra, it is impossible to ignore the possibility and reality of those who make up your world dying." This perspective shift may have contributed to her evolving relationship with solitude, finding a sense of peace and even enjoyment in her own company.

She suggests that while solitude might have once been a source of intense anxiety, it has since become something she can cope with and even appreciate. This personal evolution reflects a broader narrative of confronting and overcoming deep-seated fears, leading to a more balanced and self-possessed life.