The increasing integration of artificial intelligence into modern life has extended to the realm of dating, with some individuals using AI tools to craft dating profiles, compose messages, and even navigate relationship issues. However, relationship experts caution that this reliance on AI could be detrimental, potentially making people "relationally stupid."
Jackie Dorman, founder of the "Last Year Single" program, observes a growing trend of people turning to platforms like ChatGPT for assistance in dating. She warns that outsourcing conversations and emotional decision-making to AI can impede the development of crucial interpersonal skills. "If we're always outsourcing it to a computer, to technology, then we are not going to learn," Dorman stated.
AI's involvement spans various stages of dating, from initial introductions to breakups. Dorman notes that individuals are using AI to write texts, create dating profiles that may seem witty and engaging, and even to manage breakups. This can lead to a disconnect when people meet in person, as they may not embody the persona crafted by the AI. "It can make you seem like a great catch, but you still have to show up and be a great catch," she added.
Experts also express concern that this trend could worsen human-to-human communication skills, as individuals miss out on the practice of genuine interaction. "You haven't put in the reps of meeting people, saying stupid things, feeling embarrassed, learning how to converse with people," Dorman explained.
Dr. Christina Tracy Stein, a licensed marriage and family therapist, acknowledges that AI can be a helpful tool for organizing thoughts, particularly when feeling overwhelmed. However, she cautions against over-reliance, which can lead to a diminished trust in one's own instincts. The line is crossed, Stein suggests, when individuals stop evaluating AI-provided information and instead blindly follow it without considering what feels authentic to them.
Stein believes AI is not creating entirely new problems in dating but rather exacerbating existing ones. She likens it to the common practice of presenting an idealized self early in relationships, a phenomenon she calls the "big bait and switch," where individuals later relax and stop maintaining that initial polished image. AI, in this context, simply makes it easier to maintain that idealized presentation.
The rise of AI companions also raises concerns. Stein describes relationships with AI as "very one-sided" due to a lack of accountability for user behavior. "If you say something mean to your chat or Claude or you ignore it or you're having a lack of awareness, there's no consequence," she noted.
Dorman speculates that women might be more inclined to form relationships with AI bots, possibly because they are not finding the emotional maturity they seek in human partners, and AI can offer consistent support.
Ultimately, both Dorman and Stein emphasize that while AI can serve as a tool, it should not supplant the authenticity, vulnerability, and imperfections that are fundamental to healthy human relationships. "I hope that people will see that what makes you lovable is your imperfections. That's what people fall in love with. They fall in love with your quirkiness," Dorman said.
