Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can present unique challenges in romantic relationships, often manifesting as a struggle with commitment and a tendency toward infidelity, according to columnist Jana Hocking.
Hocking describes her own experience with ADHD as a source of adventure and a driver of success in her career, attributing her "adventurous streak" and constant "hunt for dopamine" to the condition. However, this same drive for stimulation extends to her personal life, leading to what she terms "pretty bird syndrome." This syndrome, akin to men's "red Ferrari syndrome," involves being easily distracted by new and attractive prospects, making commitment to a single partner difficult.
This pattern of seeking novelty has, in the past, led Hocking to struggle with emotional unavailability and to stray in relationships. She notes that for individuals who remain unmedicated for ADHD, such as herself, overcoming this impulsivity can be particularly challenging. Research supports this observation, with studies indicating that women with ADHD may report more sexual partners and instances of infidelity. Other research suggests that individuals diagnosed with ADHD in childhood tend to engage in more casual sex and have more sexual partners in young adulthood. Additionally, studies have found that older adults with ADHD have a significantly higher likelihood of being divorced or never married.
Hocking explored the possibility of medication to manage her symptoms, but found the side effects, including a loss of libido, increased anxiety, and sleep disturbances, to be unacceptable. While acknowledging that these effects can sometimes diminish as the body adjusts, she chose not to pursue medication, preferring her unmedicated self. This decision, however, meant she had to confront her relationship patterns without pharmaceutical intervention.
Having since learned to recognize her brain's tendencies, Hocking is more aware of when her restlessness stems from genuine incompatibility versus the natural waning of initial excitement. At 41, she desires to settle down but recognizes the need for relationships that incorporate adventure to accommodate her nature. She concludes that choosing one partner for life will be her "wildest adventure yet."