Flirting between romantic partners is essential for maintaining attraction and intimacy in long-term relationships, according to clinical sexologists. The practice can release feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, reduce stress, and increase feelings of confidence, attractiveness, and connection.
Dr. Mindy DeSeta, a clinical sexologist and mental health counselor, defines flirting as a "one-on-one interpersonal experience" that signals interest in getting to know someone better. "Flirting in general 'feels good,'" she told Fox News Digital, noting both emotional and physiological benefits. These include activating pleasure and social bonding brain chemicals and lowering the stress hormone cortisol. "It builds confidence, it's a positive social interaction that improves self-esteem," DeSeta said. "What I also hear is that people want to flirt in general because it makes them feel attractive and desired."
DeSeta emphasizes that flirting should ideally remain within the boundaries of a romantic relationship, as it releases bonding hormones that can blur lines with platonic interactions. She suggests that a desire to flirt with people outside of one's relationship may indicate underlying issues. "As a sexologist, I'm a huge believer that we must date and flirt with our partner every day," DeSeta stated. She explained that when relationships become stale, individuals might seek external validation, particularly through flirting. If this occurs, DeSeta advises immediately redirecting that energy back to the partner and communicating needs, such as "I miss this about us. I want to bring this back into our relationship."
Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist, observes that couples often lose touch with the playfulness they shared early in their relationships as daily life, including schedules, finances, and childcare, takes precedence. This can lead to affection, physical touch, flirting, and playfulness becoming less frequent, potentially making way for stress and resentment. She also notes that body changes, aging, and stress can impact self-perception of attractiveness and desirability.
Elton suggests that couples create a "new language of flirting" to help reconnect and spark intimacy. Simple actions like a 20-second hug or a six-second kiss can foster connection. Self-care practices, such as skincare routines, can also help individuals feel more connected to themselves, which can then translate to their relationship.
However, DeSeta cautions that the timing and context of flirting are crucial. "There’s a time and place for flirting, and you have to be in the right headspace," she said. Flirting may not be well-received when a partner is stressed, focused on work, or engaged in a task that doesn't evoke a sense of attractiveness. Positive signals from a partner, such as leaning in, making eye contact, and smiling, can indicate receptiveness. DeSeta also advises open communication about when and how flirting feels appropriate within the relationship.