Owning a four-bedroom cottage has become an unexpected deterrent for romantic relationships, according to writer Katie Glass. In a personal essay, Glass recounts experiences where her homeownership has led to irritated and jealous reactions from men she has dated, a sentiment echoed by her friends.
Glass purchased her cottage in Somerset after leaving a fiancé. Initially, she harbored a fantasy of meeting a life partner and starting a family in the rural home. However, this ideal scenario was replaced by a reality of having lodgers. She notes that affording such a property as a 45-year-old Millennial was made possible through family money, selling a London flat, and securing a mortgage, highlighting the difficulty many face in entering the property market.
Initially, friends cautioned Glass about potential "gold-diggers," warning she might attract men interested only in her house. Others suggested her home could help her find a husband. Glass, however, found the opposite to be true, stating that her homeownership seemed to act as a "man repellent."
She describes one date with a solicitor who owned his own home. When he visited, he commented on the size of Glass's cottage, noting how much she must earn and making assumptions about her privileged background and independence. Glass found this line of conversation "insane," as she considered him solidly middle-class, but felt he was responding defensively, with his pride seemingly dented. He did not offer to pay for dinner, and she did not hear from him again.
Another man, who lived with his parents in his 40s, reportedly made digs about her renovation work, suggesting he would approach it differently. Glass observed that several men she dated would unprompted launch into lengthy explanations of their own financial situations and their plans to secure a mortgage, listing reasons why they hadn't yet. She found this defensiveness "off the charts."
Friends have shared similar experiences. One friend recounted an ex-boyfriend who became fixated on buying a house of equal value to hers out of jealousy, sending her property listings he couldn't afford. This friend also reported him making disparaging remarks about her ability to buy and renovate her home. Another friend mentioned that even when a man liked her, her homeownership could push him away, citing an ex-husband who allegedly refused to work and was constantly angry because she held the house deeds during their marriage.
Glass contrasts these experiences with her own perspective, stating that while she doesn't actively seek a partner with a home, she would consider it a bonus. She recalled being attracted to a male friend after visiting his Georgian home and having a romanticized vision of marriage. She also found a lord's stately home more impressive than his title.
She speculates that men may not be as captivated by women's homes due to historical financial dependencies. Until the Sex Discrimination Act of 1975, lenders often refused mortgages to single women, making marriage a key to financial security. Glass notes that currently, more women than men, particularly younger women, are applying for mortgages independently, with Skipton Building Society reporting an increase in solo female applicants.
Glass concludes that while she hasn't been disheartened and has found solace in her independence, she wonders if men are truly put off by women's homes. She plans to move from her cottage to a penthouse or a one-bedroom flat in London, noting her current boredom with country living and suggesting that a change in her own circumstances might alter the romantic outcomes.