Friends facing a once-simple night out are increasingly being asked to cover hundreds or even thousands of pounds for hen and stag parties, leaving some guests feeling forced to attend events they cannot afford.
People interviewed for this report described pressure from group chats to pay for flights, accommodation, matching outfits and organised activities, and warned of hidden extra costs that can push a weekend trip well beyond initial estimates. Research from insurers shows significant sums are now typical: a 2023 Aviva study found invitees in the UK spent an average of £779 per person and £1,208 abroad, while a separate survey this year put the average overseas cost at £1,664.
Some individuals say the social pressures that come with milestone celebrations can make it difficult to refuse. Hayley, 29, said she spent more than £1,000 attending a hen party in Marbella after a WhatsApp group initially organised flights and a hotel and then added beach club visits, T-shirts and cocktail bars. "You feel like you have to do it," she said.
Anna, who asked not to be identified, described being invited to a cousin's hen in Spain that required about £300 per person for travel and lodging before spending money was included. When she said she could not afford it, she said she was met with passive-aggressive comments and advice to "just save £20 a month" or "ask your dad". She reluctantly agreed to go; the hen was later cancelled because of Covid.
Others recounted that even when a headline price is agreed, organisers can add extra payments once people are committed. Jasmine, 28 and engaged herself, said she had seen requests for additional contributions of up to £100 per person on top of an advertised figure. "You've already committed and you don't want to pull out," she said. She suggested an appropriate spend should be about £100–£200, roughly what someone might spend on a day or night out.
Myriad small costs can accumulate. As bridesmaids planning a weekend in Ibiza found, opting for cheaper lodging does not always save money when flights, club entry and daytime activities are added. One group member, Claire's bridesmaid, said a trip that began with a hostel choice ultimately cost about £1,000 per person. In other cases, destination weddings further increase expense: Lucy said attending a friend's wedding in Switzerland cost about £700 because of travel and limited accommodation options.
Splitting bills and pooled funds can also cause tensions, particularly when not all attendees take part in the same activities. A woman identified as Jemima, 34, said she was required to contribute to a central drinks kitty on a recent hen weekend despite not drinking, and that the shared bills "kept racking up and up." Social media has amplified similar grievances; creators in the United States have used viral sketches to dramatise arguments over who pays for taxis and meals on group trips.
Some people who have organised weddings or are planning them said the experience has made them more conscious of guests' finances. Elle, who married in Cyprus in her early 30s and later divorced, said she regretted a destination wedding because of the pressure it put on friends and family. "One of my bridesmaids was upset as she couldn't afford it and for a while she was too scared to tell me," Elle said.
Personal finance commentator Laura Suter advised discussing budgets early and planning activities that accommodate different means. She suggested limiting costume demands and group purchases, and recommended honesty when a trip or event becomes unaffordable, saying many friends will prefer transparency over resentment.
Those organising events are also adapting. Lucy, who is due to marry next year, and Charles, 27 and planning a wedding, said they were looking for ways to keep costs down for guests. Charles said his stag party may coincide with a major football tournament so friends can meet at a pub and watch matches rather than booking costly activities.
As more people enter the life stage of engagements and weddings, the frequency of such requests is rising and the cumulative cost for social commitments can strain household budgets, particularly for those in lower-paid sectors. Organisers and guests alike continue to negotiate expectations as social customs evolve and financial pressures mount.