Relationship Expert: 'No Spark' Phrase May Be Keeping Singles Single

Many singles may be overlooking potential partners due to an overemphasis on immediate romantic "spark," according to a relationship expert with over three decades of experience. Louanne Ward, an Australian matchmaker, suggests that the phrase "there was no spark" has become a convenient justification for dismissing individuals, even when dates have otherwise gone well.

Ward contends that this reliance on instant chemistry is one of the biggest mistakes people make when dating. She explains that while a "spark" might describe how someone makes you feel for a brief period, it offers little insight into long-term compatibility, shared values, or how a person will behave over time.

"A spark tells you how someone made you feel for 90 minutes. It tells you nothing about how they'll treat you or whether you want the same life," Ward stated. She observed that friends often validate this reasoning without question, as the idea of needing chemistry is widely accepted. This can lead singles to prematurely end potential relationships, a pattern she says is a primary reason many remain single.

Dating app culture, coupled with romanticized portrayals in media, can exacerbate the expectation of immediate attraction. First dates can be awkward due to nerves or the pressure to impress, potentially hindering a genuine connection from forming, Ward noted.

However, Ward's experience suggests that some of the most successful relationships began with minimal initial excitement. Citing a 2026 Match study of 5,000 singles, she pointed out that 49% developed feelings for someone they weren't initially attracted to. The study indicated that engaging conversation, shared interests, and values were key factors in developing attraction over time.

Ward advises singles to shift their focus from searching for fireworks to assessing if there is enough interest, curiosity, or attraction to warrant a second conversation. "A spark happens in a moment. A connection is built, one conversation at a time," she said. Instead of asking, "Was there a spark?" she suggests asking, "Is there something here worth discovering?"

This perspective has generated varied responses from singles. Some agree that attraction can develop but question how many dates are appropriate before concluding there's no romantic potential. Others express concern about leading someone on if there is no initial interest, while some emphasize that first-date nerves can obscure a person's true personality.

Ultimately, Ward's advice is not to ignore instincts or pursue relationships with people one finds unattractive. Instead, she encourages singles to re-evaluate whether their expectations of immediate chemistry might be causing them to overlook potentially compatible partners. In an era where dating options are readily available, giving someone a second chance could reveal deeper connections that a first impression might miss.