Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart, a divorce lawyer and relationship coach with more than three decades of experience, says she can often tell within minutes whether a couple’s marriage can be saved. Her assessment, published in a column for the Daily Mail, was prompted in part by the opening therapy scene of the new film The Roses, in which a couple played by Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman are told by their therapist that she “can’t see a future for you at all.”
Mackintosh-Stewart said the film’s exchange — in which the couple struggle to name anything they like about one another and instead trade veiled insults — illustrates a string of recurring patterns she sees in clients whose relationships are headed toward divorce. She told the newspaper these are not isolated mistakes but repeated behaviors that, in her view, push a marriage past the point of repair.
Sheela Mackintosh-Stewart listed eight warning signs she watches for when assessing couples. The first, which she called “compliment paralysis,” appears when partners cannot name anything current they admire about each other and instead offer nostalgic or grudging praise. Familiarity can erode admiration, she wrote, and without kindness and gentleness, attempts to repair hurt rarely stick.
A second signal is profound dislike — what Mackintosh-Stewart summarized as “I don’t like you” energy. While occasional anger is normal, she said consistent, pervasive dislike expressed in tone, eye contact and body language often cannot be fixed.
Public contempt is another red flag. Mackintosh-Stewart noted that eye rolls, sarcasm or mockery visible to others are the single most consistent predictor of divorce in her practice. Contempt, she said, shifts the frame from having a shared problem to treating one partner as the problem, and it erodes mutual respect, which is essential to a functioning partnership.
She also highlighted patterns of conflict without repair. Couples who repeatedly bicker without apology, clarification or soothing action accumulate unresolved grievance, she said. Many disputes mask deeper unmet needs, and when arguments are never followed by efforts to make amends, negative cycles build until they become entrenched.
Power imbalance featured as a fifth concern. Mackintosh-Stewart said she watches for domination by one partner, or signs of fragile ego and narcissistic traits that leave the other partner feeling vulnerable and silenced. When decision-making and attention are unbalanced, she said, the less-confident spouse can eventually reach a breaking point and decide they can no longer continue.
Keeping score of minor household tasks or grievances is another indicator. She described couples who catalogue every perceived slight or tally contributions as engaging in one-upmanship rather than teamwork. That dynamic, she argued, fosters control battles and inhibits cooperation.
Physical and emotional distancing — what she termed the “chair gap” — is an observable sign she often uses in sessions. Mackintosh-Stewart said she watches for lack of eye contact, defensive body language, and subtle attempts to create space between partners. Those micro‑behaviors, she said, often map the trajectory of the relationship toward separation.
Finally, she said the loss of hope is decisive. When one partner tells her they can’t see a future together or asks for a plan to move out, she interprets that as an end point, regardless of the other partner’s desire to save the marriage. By contrast, she said, a response expressing a wish to understand the relationship’s status leaves room for therapeutic intervention.
Mackintosh-Stewart tied these observations to the opening sequence of The Roses, in which the therapist tells the warring couple she does not think they “have the capacity to fix” their problems. In her column she said many of the film’s details — the inability to offer sincere praise, admissions of “sporadic, dizzying hatred” and public sarcasm — are familiar to practitioners who work with separated or separating couples.
She advised couples to seek professional help early if they recognize such patterns, emphasizing that timely intervention can sometimes salvage a relationship. When divorce is inevitable, she urged restraint and transparency, and a focus on children and future co‑parenting. Doing so, she said, can reduce cost and conflict and preserve the post‑separation relationship needed by families.
Mackintosh-Stewart’s comments were published in the Daily Mail’s Femail section, where she discussed both the film and the eight behaviours she regards as the most reliable indicators that a marriage has passed the point of repair. Her assessment reflects her clinical and legal experience working with couples over 30 years and echoes longstanding research identifying contempt, chronic conflict and withdrawal as strong predictors of separation and divorce.