Dear Abby addressed two readers this week who sought guidance on deeply personal dilemmas: one who unexpectedly witnessed the withdrawal of life support for a friend, and another who wants to end a long, burdensome social obligation.
In the first letter, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous described visiting a fellow member who had been in the intensive care unit for several weeks after a motorcycle accident. The writer said they regularly brought cookies and supported the injured man and his girlfriend, who is also in AA. On the writer's last visit they arrived at the exact moment doctors began withdrawing life support and witnessed "the kind of raw grief" that often accompanies those final moments. The writer later learned that many in their AA group had known the withdrawal was scheduled and said they feared the girlfriend and family might believe the visit was intentional, an intrusion on an intimate, painful moment.
Columnist Jeanne Phillips, who writes under the Dear Abby byline, told the reader she should not blame herself for something she did not know. Phillips wrote that the visits during the preceding weeks likely provided comfort to the girlfriend and any family members encountered and advised the writer to apologize in person when they next see the girlfriend — to express sorrow for the loss, explain they had not realized how close the man was to the end and apologize if their presence caused pain.
The second letter came from a reader who, with her husband, formed a friendship three years ago with a younger couple met through mutual acquaintances. The older pair live about an hour away and said the younger couple insisted on maintaining the relationship even after the mutual friends moved away, telling them the older couple were "their only friends." The younger pair subsequently had children in their 40s, and the writer said she has already raised her own children and is no longer interested in spending time around toddlers. She asked Dear Abby how to end the relationship gracefully; her husband preferred to continue what she called a "charade."
Phillips advised the reader to be honest rather than ghost the couple, recommending she explain that raising a family is complete for them, that the drive is onerous, and that it is time for the younger couple to cultivate friendships with other parents in their community so their children can form local relationships. Phillips rejected the notion of keeping up appearances, saying the pretense would cause continued frustration and expense.
The Dear Abby column, founded by Pauline Phillips and now written by her daughter Jeanne Phillips, remains one of the most widely syndicated advice columns in the United States. It regularly addresses interpersonal conflicts, etiquette, grief and family dynamics, offering practical counsel that aims to balance compassion with straightforward counsel. The items summarized here were published in the Sept. 15, 2025, column carried by lifestyle pages and news outlets.
Both responses reflect common themes that appear in advice columns: navigating grief and boundaries, and deciding when to prioritize personal limits over social obligation. In the grief-centered letter, Phillips' advice focused on absolving the visitor of unintended harm while encouraging a simple, compassionate apology if needed. In the friendship question, the guidance emphasized direct communication and setting limits instead of maintaining unwelcome social commitments.
Readers who seek to follow up with the column can contact Dear Abby through the established channels listed in the column's syndication. The advice offered in this edition reinforces the column's long-standing role as a forum for readers to voice private dilemmas and receive public, actionable counsel from an experienced advice columnist.